Day 1030 – Not feeling too great

alcohol bottles celebration color
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I’m not feeling too well today. It started around 6pm yesterday I developed a headache that has now a very mild migraine.  Despite an early night and a bit of a lay in, as well as a number of suitable pain killers, it’s still there throbbing away.

It always starts in my right eye socket and then travels down my neck and into my right shoulder. At its worse it will engulf my whole neck and back.  I’m not there yet, so hoping I caught it early.

When I’m ill I get so resentful of people with family around them and people who care.  When life is a little hard is when I feel most alone.  There is no-one on hand that I can just “put on” cause that is how I see things.  When I need help I am “putting on’ people.

Then only thing I really need to do is walk my dog.  I really don’t have the energy so what I need to do is reach out to my community and ask for help.  Why is it that asking for help is so hard….. well I think it is fear of not getting any, fear of rejection. Then OMG what happens when someone actually does ask.  To thank someone I then feel like I need to totally over react and go over the top.

Someone told me last week that they didn’t reach out the our community because they were scared of coming across as full of self-pity.  This person didnt want to inconvenience anyone.  When I heard that it was awful to think that someone was in so much pain that they couldn’t even see the importance of that feeling.  As a result this person had suicidal thoughts as this emotion was allowed to build up and consume them.  A simple cup of tea and a chat and I am pleased to say that they felt a lot better.

So today I thought about this and reached out to my community.  A lovely member of the fellowship quietly came by my house, picked up my dog and took him out.  She then dropped him back and left quietly and unassuming.

A true and genuine act of kindness which probably helped them as much as it helped me.  You don’t even have to be an addict to be this nice. If as people we DID a lot more and SAID a lot less I think that the world would be a better place.

These are the things I am truly grateful for.

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