It still amazes me how a conversation can be steered in the way that is need at that time. I was chairing tonight and forgot to get the speaker that it was a topic meeting. Feeling bad and putting this on them at the last-minute I did say to just go with what they felt.
Well as the conversation evolved the topic became very clear very quickly – self-care.
This is an interesting one and I have found that it is one area of my life that still ebbs and flows. To me self-care means anything from brushing my teeth, going to meeting and being honest about my feelings.
To have lived such a toxic life I have never really give self-care a thought. Everything in my life has had PURPOSE. So if I went for a run it was to “look good” never to feel good.
I’m beginning to realise that the premise of self-care means so much more. I have always had a purpose and realise that I have been a mother for such a long time now (since my early 20’s) that I am not sure how to be anything else. The one thing I have never had to think about or consider is looking after myself.
What is the point now at this point in my life. I’m single, my kids are growing up and away so what is my purpose now. Why do I need to do self-care – what does it matter?
My whole life is in total limbo just now. I feel a bit stuck – hence the creative writing course and this blog. Strangely it is really helping but the reality is I’m Bored. Maybe that is why I used to drink. Boredom and not being able to sit with myself??
What is clear is that if I wash regularly, eat regularly and exercise I do feel better. My body feels better as well as my head so why can’t I be addicted to being healthy? It a dilemma I hear a lot….
- why am I not addicted to the gym – I know people who are and they are amazing
- why am I not addicted to cleaning – I know people who are and their houses are lovely
- why am I not addicted to eating healthy – I know people who are and they love it
The reality is that I am an alcoholic so that was my addiction and I can’t just flick to something new. It’s the hand I have been dealt so I have to go with it. AA has to be my new addiction my new way of life and the only way to overcome any cravings I have to work on self-care.