Ego

noun
  • a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
“he needed a boost to his ego”
synonyms: self-esteemself-importanceself-worthself-respectself-conceitself-imageself-confidence;

amour propre
“he needed a boost to his ego”
  • PSYCHOANALYSIS
    the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
ego
I have seen the image above a lot lately and it really resonates with how I feel sometimes. Society puts a persona on us that is not necessarily reflective of how we feel inside. That inner child in us all just wanting love and acceptance.
Basic human needs really.
Since joining AA I have had to re-align my understanding of some words.  As you grow you build a perception round their meanings and then a misunderstanding of the true meaning.
I always understood Ego to be a bad thing but actually it is something we all need. It is our perception of self so there is a need to get the balance right.
Ego can be useful and Ego can hinder, the trick is recognising which is which.
When I started this journey my Ego was huge. It was my shell and my protection. I used it to repel any feelings both good and bad.  I would give out the impression that I was “fine”  I was “strong” I was “independent”.  These, you might say, are all good things and yes they are when it is true but the reality is I was none of these things.  I was (and still am) full of fear, indecisive and tired.
When I need the large Ego it is there for me but where I need to dip in is when I need to lower my guard. Again this is Ego – my perception of self.  When I need help I should ask.  Now what I need to consider here is who and how to ask – ensure I am not seeking attention or that I am manipulating a situation.
I am slowly learning this juggling act and maybe one day soon the pendulum will not swing as much as it is just now.  Awareness is the key that unlocks all of this.
Now I have this new-found awareness my next trick is how to apply this to real life. Life outside of the rooms and outside of my circle of friends.
How do you deal with people with a huge Ego who don’t have the pleasure of this programme.
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