A friend that I have known for nearly 30 years now asked me some interesting questions after reading my blog. It was good to think about this crazy journey of mine in a more practical sense, rather than emotional.
She wanted to know when I started drinking too much. The reality is I always drank too much. I saw that alcohol had a purpose and that was to get drunk. If I was thirsty I would have a soft drink or water, if I wanted to get drunk I drank alcohol. All seemed very simple to me.
The problem was that once i had that first drink I couldn’t stop. Euphoria would kick in, then party party – when I was young that would mean dancing and doing crazy stuff till the wee early hours of the morning.
She also asked if I drank when my kids were young, well I am truly ashamed to admit that yes I did. Once the boys were in bed then it was feet up and get the wine out, family would come round for dinner and the wine flowed. In reality I put having a drink before considering the safety of my kids which is utterly selfish. I have been so lucky to know that they actually came to no harm.
I believe that I was born an alcoholic and that is just my belief, i know other people have their own thoughts. The way my body metabolises alcohol is so quick that it bypasses my digestive system and instantly hits my brain. Then the serotonin kicks and I’m off. I am also type 2 diabetic and again I beleive that these are linked.
One of the great things about my conversation today is that it was without judgement or concern. It was a genuine interest in why I did what I did and what made me an addict. As medicine keeps the focus on mental health and addiction hopefully future generations will get a strong understand of what makes and addict. This could then lead to some better understanding, treatment and success.
In the meantime I’m off to a meeting.