Day 1044

portrait of teenage girl playing outdoors
Photo by Miguel Constantin Montes on Pexels.com

 

Today is the first day in my sobriety where I have spent pretty much the whole day on my own and enjoyed it.  After a turbulent and emotional year of change and emotion have I now reached peace? If not maybe I am close.

Every other weekend my son goes to his dads and normally I will fill this time having coffees with people or generally fitting in enough stuff to make me not have to sit with myself for too long.  Today, however is different.

Last night I met a friend for dinner, we had a lovely time talking without trying to outdo each other or scour the room for men.  We sat and enjoyed our time together and then went home when we got tired.  Previously, on such a perfect night, I would have a massive come down and then have spent all day today wanting more and living in self-pity on why I had no friends and was single.

Today I am not feeling this. I woke up reasonably early, had my normal cup of tea and wrote this mornings blog.  That blog was a reflection on a few things I have been talking about and some You Tube videos.  It is amazing how healing writing is.

Anyway back to today.  I have been for 2 dog walks and spent the majority of my day in my house alone.  It has been lovely, for the first time in my recovery I can honestly say that I enjoyed my day on my own.  I’ve not really done much, a bit of writing, a bit of cleaning but the most has been chilling on my sofa.

How nice is it to come to that point of acceptance.  I wouldn’t say that I am totally better or cured but I am thankful and reflective of why today is so nice.  I do believe that there are a few contributing factors which include sharing my feelings openly, accepting me for what I am and that the whole world isn’t sitting waiting on me.

It’s a nice place to be, so much so that I now hate hearing other people in pain.  But that’s the next piece, that I cannot fix other people but I am can be there to support them.

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