The Promises

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” If we are painstaking about this phase in our development we will be amazed before we are half way through.” Well I know I am not yet halfway through and I am sure as damn it not amazed. “We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.”

This year has tested my resolved more than any year of my life.  Things have a way of turning out really really badly and when they do I have to take some time to look at my part, as its so easy to blame everyone else.  Anyway I know I keep making mistakes when it comes to jobs and I really really need to find a way out of this cycle. Problem is how on earth do I do that.

I have been in my current career for the last eight years and, I believe, reasonably successfully.  It is very much a mans world so to be heard and taken seriously is quite difficult and I wonder if sometimes I am trying a bit too hard. Most of the successful business women I see are quiet yet confident and have a huge amount of self-respect and a demeanor that I can’t quite put my finger on.

Also now I am changing in sobriety I am not getting the same thrill as I did before, from my job. Maybe this is age, sobriety or just the wrong environment. I am most definitely influenced by the people around me and they affect my mood and enthusiasm massively.  (People Pleasing I know).

So now I am on my third set of gardening leave this year and I quite reflective on what I should consider my next move to be.  I honestly have no I idea and the thought of getting it wrong again fill me with dread but I am applying for jobs that I think I can do and just have to hope I am guided the right way.  I would probably like to get out of sales but that is quite difficult when it is all you have done for a huge chunk of your life, which I have, so I also feel a bit stuck. Then there is money – that’s a whole other conversation of its own.

The Promises


All I can therefore do is have faith that this will all turn out ok. I do have to consider some fairly life changing decisions and to face that on my own is incredibly daunting.  What I do know is that if I don’t work out what on earth I keep doing wrong I am never going to get out of this vicious cycle of picking the wrong job.

I have been self-sufficient for such a long time so to admit all of this to myself is hard. I always think I know best and it will be different this time, but when I ask for help and advise I get so many conflicting versions and opinions that I get confused by this also.

What to do.  “When you don’t know what to do, dont do a thing.”

As hard as all that it, I might have to give it a go I guess.


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