Day 1053

Every now and then in recovery you get lightbulb moments, sudden realisations of what you can be or are, today I have had one of them.

Its my last day at work so handed in my laptop and phone.  When I met my boss it was quite a strange meeting and obviously incredibly uncomfortable for him.  This gave me an air or confidence if I’m honest, was nice to see that they had a view that maybe they had made a mistake. I felt empowered but also a little sorry for him but then he made a snarky comment that there was really no need for. I did say that was unnecessary and he muttered under his breath.  Once verified that everything was returned I wished him well and walked away with my held head high.

Then I met a fellow member of the fellowship and for the first time I had an incredibly honest conversation with them about my feelings, perception of self and how this whole experience has really knocked me.  The power of recovery is all about being with people who had the same thoughts, fears and experiences and somehow talking this all through has really helped how I am today.

By doing this and being present I now have people contacting me wanting to discuss potential job opportunities.  Its amazing when you don’t control things or “run the show” what happens.

If Id stayed at home today and obsessed about getting a job I would have sent my CV out a lot and watched my email waiting on that magical response that would result in me getting my dream job and living happily ever after.  We all know now that this will never happen. Instead I met a dear friend and had a lovely afternoon drinking tea and talking about all sorts, then all the work I had done yesterday came good and I have the opportunity to talk to 2 companies this week. All I can now do is my best and hope that I make a good decision.

I’m starting to have faith and trusting in what I am suggested to do and believe.  I do also now beleive that everything will be fine.