Its taken me a long time but I think I am starting to let go. Over the last few months my life has been in complete turmoil in my head. What do I do?? How do I do it?? It rattles round and round my head trying to find a way out, a way to the magic answer.
The reality is that there is no answer, life will be what it will be and that is the truth of it. I will only cause myself pain if I don’t believe that. If I have a “plan” I am setting myself up for failure, as things happen that you can’t anticipate, that can then steer your plan in a new direction.
Most people will reasses the situation and then reasses the plan – not me. Worry is my default setting so I will then worry about why the plan failed, what did I do wrong. All these thoughts then steer me away from what is important and then everything gets out of control. By letting go of these plans means that there is no disappointment so no worry and stress – sounds simple doesn’t it.
The truth is it is very simple, everything about recovery is simple. It is also easy for those who don’t suffer with an addiction, for those who allow themselves to have a support network. The problem with me is that I dont let people in so people never really know the true thoughts in my head. This blog and unplugged that and allowed me to communicate in a way that is honest and people around me seem to understand more and more now. The result of that has been incredibly healing for me as I now recognise where someone is actually offering advice because they care. That alone is incredible.
This week has been a rollercoaster but because of this I am no longer planning the outcome of my actions but am just looking at what is necessary for my sobriety to be a happy one. I have made those decisions and the outcome will be what it will be.