One of the strongest messages we are told time and time again, in recover, is to give back. The art of giving back releases your mind from you and allows you to be open to the joy of others. I now do look at new people coming into recover and love the journey they have to the point when the dullness has gone in their eyes and they have the vibrancy again.
In AA I do a lot of service, I understand that the meetings cannot happen without my help, as well as everyone else in AA. Imagine turning up and no-one has bothered to set up or make the tea, although I have never seen this I do know it would make it difficult to proceed. By all getting stuck in we create a camaradary without heirarchy. Everyone takes their turn and length of sobriet, while it can be a factor, is not fully considered. This also creates an equal environment for all, no one is in charge but somehow we all know what to do to get it done. If an ego does get out of hand then there are enough people to point this out and gently bring it back down.
Outside of AA I find giving back a little more challenging but this is more to do with my lack of self worth. I dont beleive what I have to say is enough, it also hard when you try to give advice and get challenged and push back.
I spent last night making some cakes and biscuits for a charity cake sale today, my biscuits look ok but my muffins look awful. I have a inner battle going on that they are not good enough to take so if I take them everyone will laugh or they will look unworthy next to everyone elses.
The old me would make an excuse not to go, fein illness or be tired. I am fighting those demons just now. I dont see my not turning up as letting anyone down, cause who’s going to notice if Im not there.