Day 1070

Food is another major issue of mine and it is a little like dealing with alcoholism.  I can’t do anything in moderation I either don’t eat all day or I binge.  Lately I have been doing the not eating bit and the problem with this is that when people start telling me how well I am looking and how much weight I have lost – this then encourages me to eat even less.

Every few days I will then go on a splurge and eat bars of chocolate (big ones), crisps and biscuits.  I cannot help myself and once I have opened a bag I cannot stop.  I have literally just had a big bag of haribo, mince-pie and packet of crisps. My head is now obsessing about the other 3 mince pies that are left as well as the 5 bags of crisps and the 2 packets of shortbread I have just remembered I have.

What is that all about, its crazy and it total addiction transference.  I hear of people in the rooms that get addicted to healthy eating, exercise etc… but no not me. I crave everything that is bad for me.  I am type 2 diabetic with high cholesterol too so you would think that would be enough to stop me – Noooooo. A bit like the alcohol I know its bad but I just can’t stop and always hope that circumstance will steer me in the right direction.

I am trying to understand what drives my crazy brain and have come to the conclusion it is nothing more than dopamine. My body craves it way more than anyone without addiction, but then if that is the case why don’t I get addicted to exercise – surely that would be the obvious choice.

At the moment the forced release is walking the dog so that does help, even if I then just negate out the calories but at least it gets me moving and outdoors.