Sick or Ill

Last week I wasn’t feeling great I lost my appetite I felt weak and just a bit meh.  My first thoughts are that my depression has set in so I immediately go into my programme and focus on my mental health.  As days progressed it became very clear that it wasnt my mental health but my physical health that had gone.

There is a bug doing the rounds which involves an incredibly upset stomach, I really wont bore you with the details. I was in bed for 3 days sleeping for twenty out of twenty for hours, which is a feat in itself when you have an eleven month old puppy – trust me.

During this slump I forgot to take care of my mental health.  I was weak and that meant I fell into a well of self-pity.  A lot of my old feelings manifested including loneliness, helpless and just not being good enough.  I had a sense of no-one cared and why did I always have to deal with these things on my own, but I hadn’t told anyone how ill I actually felt.  All I really had to do was realise I was ill and focus on getting well.

My head is crazy and seems to go from one extreme to another, trying to get the balance is so difficult. As a good example I have a dear friend who has never been anything but open and honest with me.  If I am not with her I am convinced that she has more exciting things happening in her life and is not thinking about me yet when I see her I get a great sense of well-being and happiness.

When I am physically sick I need to find away to accept that but it makes me feel weak and pathetic, yet if someone else was sick I would tell them to take care and rest.  Why then can I not do the same for myself. I seem to have a mindset that puts my expectations of myself so high that there is no way I can ever reach them.  I feel like I should be the strong one, some of my old behaviours creep in and the old insecurities come out.

Now I am feeling better these are all areas that I intend to work on and hopefully if I can get more of a balance on who I am and how I feel then I will be prepared for my next winter bug.

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