People, Places and Things these are the hardest for me to deal with. I get that it sounds like everything but learning how these make me feel is the strongest way I can recover.
When I was actively drinking I would say I loved being with people and that I was a sociable party girl. Now in recovery this couldn’t be further from the truth. In a group of people I now see I am quite shy and quiet if I am unsure of anyone in the group,
otherwise yes I can be quite loud and outspoken. Interesting I prefer quiet to me to gobby me as I do normally get carried and away and can be a little too outspoken. When I was drunk I was always too gobby and took everything too far.
Again I would think that I was at ease in all surroundings and would go charging in to any situation thinking that I could take charge. Places actually really scare me, especially if I don’t know where I was going. My stomach would
be churning and anxiety would really fill me, but I would suppress these feelings and rather than face them head on I would pretend that they weren’t there.
This basically encapsulates everything else and is all about things that I do or don’t like, or cannot control.
All three of the are topics that I could drink on and I would suppress my feelings. By suppressing my feelings and fears this would create pressure inside that I didn’t understand nor did I recognise so I would drink. Everything I am learning in sobriety is about my emotions and reactions and what triggers I have. It’s ok to be a little scared sometimes just accept it and recognise why. Now I have people who I can share this with and sometimes, when I need it, they hold my hand help me through.
Sometimes I have to just sit with it and feel it and then it soon passes.
The main things it that I can get through this now without feeling like I need to take a drink.