What is it about our crazy minds that make us think that we are not good enough to ask for help. I spent years trying to do everything by myself and under my own power but I would find myself exhausted and then resentful.
I alway felt like if I didn’t do it , it wouldn’t get done, such a typical martyr. Somehow I never saw that I was being selfish and self-centred, I couldn’t let anyone in. Inside was a different matter though I was desperate for someone to fix me and make everything better. The more I drank the worse I got, the pain was overwhelming.
Even in early sobriety I was always looking for people or things to fix me, I had no idea how to listen or ask for help. I assumed I knew everything I needed to know about myself so how could these people make anything any better? For 2 1/2 years I fought this continually.
Getting sober is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, I have had to change my thinking and ideals of what other people are and how they feel. I would assume that everything was about me and an impact I had on someones life. The reality is we are all broken in someway and are just trying to get through each day as best we can. I know now that most people are just trying to deal with their own stuff.
I’m so lucky that when I hit my rock bottom I had reached the conclusion that I knew I didn’t want to be that person any more. I had already resigned myself to the fact that I was an alcoholic. I have seen and met so many people who have not reached that level yet, not hit their rock bottom and that is so hard to watch.
So many times we lie to yourselves and to the people around us. I’ve sat with people who have said that they have only had one drink but then have smelled really bad of alcohol. People who have cried and said that they want what we have, but then tell us they are fine and do not belong in our group. People who blame abuse, heartbreak or so many other things on the fact that they are an alcoholic.
The best share I have heard is when a young girl stated that yes things had happened in her past but that didn’t make her drink, she drank because she was an alcoholic. That to me is true acceptance and then, only then are we ready to receive help.