So here we are, if you are as lucky as me you have made it sober to the last day of the year. Christmas seems a million years ago and now all we have looming is New Years Eve.
For me this is yet another time where people have to feel the need to represent how popular they are and all the “fun” they are going to have. For me this type of fun leads to tears, tantrums and destruction, then of course starting out next year with a head full of regret. In previous years this is when I would swear off drinking ever again, it would be my resolution and therefore the only way forward.
Some years I could get through 4 or 6 weeks sober but it never lasted much more. It was ok not to drink in January, as this is apparently when we all get healthy and fit. People would support me in that moment, but I don’t believe any of them really understood the trauma that was happening in my mind and the battle that I was having with myself. I used to have people around me who would get angry about my drinking, and thus my behaviour,
but just thought that was part of who I was.
I do still struggle for how little understanding society has about addiction, and more so how little consideration that this is a disease not a choice.
In my life now I only surround myself with people who understand my battle, and would never force their normal on me. They support me and I hope care for me enough to stop me if temptation did strike, although knowing they know is enough for me not to want to. Being with safe people has been one of the key factors to my sobriety. I keep close the right people for me, that doesn’t mean I don’t like people or that they are bad, just that their energy and my energy doesnt mix well. This includes other addicts as we are all on our own journey through life and have to do what is right for us.
Tonight therefore I will have some food with friends, come home and go to bed. Tomorrow is another Tuesday where I will not set any resolutions as I could be potentially setting myself up to fail.
Keeping life simple and manageable is the best way for me and only dealing with what I have to deal with right here and right now will keep me safe and sober.
Happy New Year but remember – ODAAT XX