Day 1128

The beginning of the year can seem incredibly boring but I am starting to find it quite inspiring. I am learning a lot about who I am and what makes me happy.  There are so many people in turmoil and struggling out there that I sometimes feel like I want to fix them all but I can’t can I? All I can do is write about my own experiences and hope that at some level it helps someone.

January is a good time of year to take stock and think about who I want to be.  This time last year I was newly divorced and used this time to work on my life and attitudes, in complete contrast I decided to change my job which then led to the catalogue of events that brought on my emotional breakdown.  Hopefully this year starting my new job will be the medicine that I need to move forward.

The events of last year meant I took some well needed time to work on me and my programme. I have enforced what I need to live life and how and when I need to ask for help.  I need to focus on what is best for me, without ego or drama, and hopefully the rest will follow.

There are some key differences between this year and last, I am more emotionally stable than I think I have ever been.  I am making practical decisions, not emotional ones and I have better relationships. I am surrounded with more people who care for me and are happy for me.

I currently have a member of the fellowship staying with me and I am so grateful for her company. We have laughed about some similar things and we don’t focus all our conversations on alcoholism. We have the same outlook to what we want from this programme which is definitely a bridge to normal living. As hard as 2018 has been it is a time that I needed to heal and see some of the mistakes I have made.

I am not hoping to move forward into 2019 with a calmer, less emotional driven attitude and whilst I have a lot happening I am hoping to carry out all changes with humility.  This is the only way I will be able to live a contented and normal life.

One thing I know for sure is that I don’t want my addiction to define me, it is not my label and is just a condition that I manage – a little like my type 2 diabetes.

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