When I first found sobriety, through the help of a wonderful fellowship, one thing I remember clearly was that I was told to “Stick with the winners.”
At the time I didn’t really understand what that meant, but as time has gone on I realise that it means that I should spend my time with people with good sobriety. We are all ill people just trying to get better, but some of us are better at finding it than others. It is not a race or competition (I heard that shared last night and loved it) and we are all doing this as best as we can.
I guess the point is that if we find the people who are really getting this are working on finding themselves then that limits the chance of relapse. I would never ignore someone struggling but I now know that to class everyone as a friend is quite dangerous. Those who I may feel are friends may not feel the same way about me, and then when someone is said or done that is not intended to be bad can be perceived in the wrong way.
We are sensitive creatures in recovery and only those who are truly able to see their part in things are the “winners”. These are the people who can admit they were wrong, can apologise and mean it. They are also the people who can see when you are struggling and not judge you on your mistakes but gently point out a better way of seeing things.
Life is not a popularity contest and friendship is not based on the number of friends, but the quality.
As an alcoholic and someone who is a bit broken it is easy for me to be drawn to like-minded people. That is my comfort zone and where I feel safe. The only problem with that is that by doing this old behaviours come back. I will bitch and gossip, moan and complain and that all leads to lack of self-worth and then potential relapse. Why on earth would I want to go back down that route as that is the way I will lose everything I have achieved so far.