Day 1140

Well there it is, I have done it.  A whole week back working in an office sat at a desk mixing in with real life human beings.

As suspected it wasnt nearly as bad as I thought it would be, everyone is incredibly welcoming and pleasant.  The company is very good at looking after their staff and my integration is going smoothly.  Today I even got the opportunity to work offsite with another colleague in my team which was very nice.

So if all of that went ok then what the hell is wrong with me?  I am sat writing this feeling ungrateful and sorry for myself. My singledom is hitting me in the face like a hammer, as I am surrounded by young mums.  Dont even get me started on age and well should I even be doing this job?  Surely I am worth way more than this?

All that crap is what my head is telling me.  Where I am working and what I am doing is 100% my choice. I wanted this step down to be able to manage my work life balance and I have that in abundance at this job, I have flexi time for god sake and live a max 20 min commute door to door.  What is bad about that?

In summary I have no idea what I want. Ideally Id like to be sat at home feeling sorry for myself and eating biscuits all day, but then I wont be able to put a roof over my head.  I feel like a spoilt little girl right now and I just want someone to take away the day-to-day hassle of living life.

I am going to a meeting tonight and I know I will feel better when I come out, I need to be with my people and hear stories way harder than mine. I need to look at the good in what I have and where I am in my recovery and be thankful for that.

So much that I know I need to do I just have to get on with it.


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