So a week and a half into my new role and my return to normal life. For a number of months now I have hidden in the safety of my fellowship and have firmly kept myself in my bubble. A little like my drinking days this had pro’s and con’s – balance is the key to success.
The last six months have seen me undertake a journey of self-awareness and emotional strength. I am more aware of who I am and what I like and I could only find that firmly in the bosom of my fellows. I stayed close to my program and the people within it.
By doing this I got a much sharper view of my recovery and what I want from life. I was reminded that everyone in recovery is sick and trying to get better, we are all at different stages. I was hurt and let down by some people but I know now that I put too much weight on that friendship and realise that as individuals we all have our own stuff to deal with. It’s not easy for us to understand our emotions never mind communicate them.
So I took the leap of faith and accepted a job I was offered as the time was right to join the rest of society. I knew no one in the organisation I have joined and therefore went in as a blank slate with no expectations. I was honest with them about my lack of experience and what I had to learn and as such I have been rewarded with kindness and patience.
This time I am not yearning for workplace friendships, or needing to be liked or seen as anything good or bad. I am new and am learning. If I am asked a question I answer to the best of my ability and if I am unsure of something well then I say so.
I almost had a wobble when I got invited to interview for a role in my previous skill set, I politely declined recognising that it wasnt what I wanted any more. I want to work with good people who have a common goal and I truly believe that is what I have now.
I just have to get my balance right and all will be good with me and the universe.