Day 1153

So nearly 3 weeks in and finally something has clicked with me in my new place of work. After chatting to a friend today I have realised a few things about myself:

I don’t like change

As much as I wanted this new role a few of my character flaws got in the way. First was PRIDE – the change of role feels like a step down career wise as the pay is a lot less that what I am used to. The reality is that it was my choice, I work 10 mins from home and therefore have a much stronger work life balance. My role is mentally challenging without causing me any stress. Is that not living the dream.

I don’t like not knowing what I am doing

Now that I am getting more of a handle on my role and doing my day-to-day tasks without having someone constantly correct me, even though they are trying to help, I am a lot more confident. When I am being watched or constantly needing re-assurance I’m doing the right thing I feel uncomfortable.

I dont like being told what to do

There is a big difference from showing someone what to do and telling them. These differences can be really subtle and I seem to notice them all the time.  There are people who can instruct you in a way that isn’t patronising (or my perception of..) then there are the people make me feel incredibly uncomfortable.  All of this is my issue and I really need to get over myself and just accept that everyone has their own style and are not singling me out.

My biggest annoyance is what I see, how I see it and what I think I have seen.  I know that I need to re-address my perceptions and not think the worst. I need to be more comfortable with my abilities and not to feel less than, just because I don’t know something.

There is no way that everyone can know everything and to be able to learn is a gift. It shows humility and self-care and I know I need to do a lot more of that moving forward.



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