So it has been a while since I have written and so much has changed, for the better I have to say. I have finally surrendered to my emotions, abilities and who I want to be and OMG does it feel good.
I have sold my family home and am now in a small rented place which has given me happiness and security. It has allowed me to focus on what I have and want and not to be always looking outward at what I don’t have and wondering what anyone else has.
The move was emotional but amazing friends stood beside me on the way. No one interfered or tried to “fix” me. They just made themselves there so that every now and then I could lean over a little and they would just prop me up until I was ready to stand on my own again.
We all walk this earth on our own and this can be scary but with a smile and politeness it can also be a pleasant experience. My duty has been done, I have reproduced and my children are healthy additions to the next generation. My role now is to sit back and enjoy my achievements and be content with the little material possessions I now have.
With less I have so much more and I see so much more which is amazing. I am blessed and incredibly content.
Every now and then I pass by the big houses, flash cars and wonder why that wasnt my destiny. Very quickly my mind then remembers everything I do have… my children, my health, my recovery and of course my wonderful Pup.
If I think too far into my future I do worry about how I will manage when I am old, but you know what somehow I will. There are a lot of people financially worse off than me and they manage.
Right here and right now I am happy, really truly happy in a way that I never thought I could find and I have recovery to thank for all of that.