Us humans, I have come to realise, we don’t much like change, even though change is essential to our survival. Basic biology teaches us about survival of the fittest which is essentially change to survive or die.
Finding the fellowship was most definitely my survival and part of my evolution. I have had to learn to adapt to my new surroundings and people. This involves a lot of change and development and just “turning up” is most certainly the minimum requirement.
I have began to notice my relationships with other people in a different light. Initially I was drawn to the big egos, those big loud personalities with a lot to say and full of promise and hope. I was one of them for a long time so this was my normal setting.
Now I find myself more comfortable with the quieter more chilled out people. I am not looking for a popularity contest any more or wanting to sit at the “cool table” I am content in my simple world. I don’t want to fit in as I don’t need to, by wanting to fit in I am judging others and now understand that none of us feel like we fit in and that is sort of the point.
Sobriety is teaching me to focus on my true deep lasting friendships, of which I only have a few but then why do a I need more. I have a lot of fellows around me that I know I can turn to when I need to.
So I can finally conclude that my sobriety journey has been one that is all about evolving and growing up. I have most definitely grown in sobriety and finally am at ease with the conclusion that all I have to do is accept myself for who I am.
In doing this I am in the safe part of the pack, I recognise danger now and those feelings that can creep up. I have good people to talk to and get honest feedback from, even though I don’t always like it I listen and take from it what I need. This is allowing me to survive in my new sober existence.
Now I have reached this point it is more important than ever that I don’t stand still. Continual evolution is what is needed, listen and learn from those who have been around a long time. Make choices that are right for me, and not what I think I should be or what society sometimes makes us feel we should do.
I’m learning to trust my gut instincts and to slow down. By slowing down I am allowing myself time to think and feel before making any decisions, ironically then giving me more time back as I’m not filling my head with doubt around my choices.
I know it is said a lot in life but we are all on a journey and the only way to stay at the top, strong part of the pack. In order to keep strong we need change and growth to allow this to happen.