Its hard for me to believe it is just two weeks since we were asked to stay home with the outbreak of Covid-19 affecting the whole word.
In those two weeks humans have had to evolve and adapt to a whole new way of living, being and communicating and I thank GOD for my recovery which is helping me cope with so much change.
As an active addict I loved to isolate but it would be either in a childish tantrum to punish myself or as a self pitying wreck. Either way it would fuel enough self pity and self loathing that I would drink to oblivion – quite happily.
Now, during this time isolation feels different. It has purpose and meaning and is for a greater good than just drinking to drown out all my fears and sorrows.
Initially I was quite indifferent about the pandemic and wondered how much media spin was fuelling the fear. Very quickly I came to realise this was a very real threat and was obviously scared but also very nervous about my sobriety. I questioned my mental strength and if I would be able to cope and not obsess or overthink.
Amazingly I am fine (today) and I have my fellows and recovery to thank for that.
I am living one day at a time, even more so than normal. We CANNOT plan or project – it really is as simple as that. No-one has any idea of the future and even when we may be allowed to consider one. I have a lot more productive time on my hands that I am filling with productive exercises. I have slowed down and am spending more quality time with my son, at my job and on myself and my mental and physical health.
We are all so lucky that this is happening while nature is waking up. The sunshine, new blooms and butterflies all seem to make this time a lot more bearable.
Recovery has now moved online and as a result so many more people are meeting and interacting as an online community and it has been joyful. We can all still check in and I feel a sense of fellowship a lot more now than in more recent times. Different strengths are shining through and support is all around us, I wonder if non addicts can say the same.
I can tolerate a queue as I have a sense of who I am and that we all have our own place in society. I feel the huge difference between need and want and am pushing myself to go without certain luxuries.
Reaction to this change of behaviour has been swift and positive and has stood a lot of us in good stead. Strong sobriety has shone through as has a lot of ego, albeit well intentioned, but the waves are settling and everything is fitting into its right groove. Highs and Lows have been felt and shared and empathised with.
For me my sense of belonging in society has calmed, it is ok for me to isolate at home as everyone else is doing the same. The nations have come together supporting what needs to be done, rather than criticising what hasn’t. Kindness and love is shining through and those working tirelessly on the front line are appreciated and applauded – and quite right too.
Right now all I need to do is survive and by having that affirmed
through media and social channels it offers me enough peace to
hopefully get through this crazy time well and sober.