Day 1593

There no denying that what we are experiencing during this time will go down in history. These are most definitely trying times for everyone, not just the recovering alcoholic.  Government forced lockdown has put me in my happy place. While a lot of people are talking about when this is all over, I am hoping that a lot wont change.

You see for me isolation is my eutopia. It is the place where I can wallow in self-pity and overthink everything.  that dramatisation then allows me to project and fall into a pit where I may then decide, “why am I bothering staying sober?” and that is dangerous thinking and can easily lead to a drink.

This is then where my FAITH has really come into play. During sobriety I am learning with all negatives there is a positive and if I don’t see it I have to look for it.  This time has now allowed me to flip my negative thoughts into positive;

I’m isolated and alone =  I’m alone and have time to focus on me.

So I have decided that during this newfound time that I have I am going to relish in it. I have been doing everything slower, I am pausing before I talk and text and am working with more care and thought. Rather than the normal rush of daily life I am embracing the new slower pace.  Spring has sprung and every morning I awake and thank my HP for a new sober day, and to mother nature for the beauty she provides.

I have invested more time in my recovery and online meetings are a blessing, I feel reconnected to my program and have more confidence in myself and what I can achieve. Time taken to talk to people is also invaluable, we have temporarily lost that human contact so phone or video conversations and crucial to hear voices and understand other people thoughts and feelings, rather than second-guessing the tone of a text message.

So you see FAITH for me is not religious it is about myself and what I am capable of. It is about seeing that time on my own is worthwhile and can be used to invest in me and becoming the best version of me that I can.

To pick up a drink now out of boredom or frustration would be the most damaging thing I could do to myself. I just have to “play the tape” to understand the carnage I would cause and the depression, self-loathing and destruction that would then follow.  On top of that consider the cost and horrendous hangover that inevitably follow.

Right now I have chosen to have FAITH in myself to do the next right thing and that is to stay sober.

 

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